When Forgiveness Feels Impossible: Healing for the Bitter and the Broken
- Bradley Sliedrecht
- Jun 15
- 3 min read
Some wounds run so deep, forgiveness feels like betrayal—to your pain, your story, or your dignity. You want to let go, but something in you can’t. And on the other side, some of you live in the shadow of someone else’s unresolved bitterness.
Every conversation is a battlefield. Every disagreement reopens old wounds. And no matter how far you move forward, they drag the past behind you both like a heavy chain.
So, how do we walk in healing, whether we’re the ones struggling to forgive or the ones being hurt by someone who won’t?
🙍♂️ If You're Struggling to Forgive
Let’s start with honesty: Sometimes the pain was real. The betrayal cut deep. The words said—or unsaid—left you with questions that never got answers. But here’s the truth:
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
Forgiveness isn’t about saying what happened didn’t matter. It’s about refusing to let it keep poisoning your soul. When we don’t forgive, bitterness becomes our counsellor. And bitterness is a terrible guide—it warps memories, fuels self-righteousness, and blinds us to the very behaviours we now inflict on others.
Ask yourself:
Do I rehearse past offences more than I pray about them?
Do I project what someone else did onto the people God placed in my life now?
Do I need to be “right,” even if it means someone I love gets hurt?
Forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. And if you feel like you can’t do it alone—good. That’s why we need the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to do in you what you can’t do yourself.
🩹 If You’ve Been Hurt by Someone Who Won’t Forgive
Living with, working with, or being raised by someone who clings to offence is exhausting.
They may:
Use the past as a weapon.
Twist your words.
Attack your character when confronted.
Even withholding love or manipulating family relationships to make a point.
This is not love. This is control, and control is fear in disguise. But don’t let their woundedness wound you.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
You are not crazy for feeling the tension, but you are also not called to carry their refusal to heal. Set boundaries. Pray for them. Speak truth in love. Most importantly, do not let their behaviour cause your heart to harden. Protect your spirit, but keep your heart tender before the Lord.
🤲 A Word to Both Sides
Bitterness breaks families. It poisons marriages. It rewrites history. And often, the enemy doesn’t even need to destroy us with sin—he needs us to hold onto the memory of someone else’s.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It’s about choosing to see through God’s eyes.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32
You don’t have to carry this anymore. Not the grudge. Not the shame. Not the weight of someone else’s sin—or your own. Healing is found in the cross, where Jesus forgave us while we were still sinners.
If He could extend that kind of mercy to us, surely His Spirit can empower us to extend it to others.
📖 A Prayer for the One Struggling and the One Affected
Lord, I bring You the pain—whether I caused it or carry it. Search my heart. Soften what has grown hard. Teach me to release what I’ve held onto for too long. Help me to forgive as You forgave. And help me to live free—not bound by bitterness, but healed by grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Download the FREE book here - Bitterness Breaks, But Forgiveness Heals | Life Hope Ministries
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the truth for themselves.
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